Chapter One - A Rocky Foundation
I waken, but only darkness greets my eyes. I grip the sheets tight around me as I tremble. That dream was excruciating, the panic in their eyes as I let them go, though I have no idea who that person was. I want to erase it from my memory, but that moue of horror on their face as I casually let them fall was ghastly.
It was only a dream, I tell myself. None of it was real, I did not deliberately kill someone, and I have no reason to be drenched in sweat as I find myself to be. Already, memory of the dream is fading away from my consciousness, and I feel a slight sense of relief.
I roll onto my back and suddenly I truly know what terror feels like. That familiar metal weight rests upon my chest, cold to the touch of my skin as it nestles between my breasts. I snatch at it, pulling furiously at it until the chain finally gives way, granting me precious freedom as it tears away from around my neck. I hurl it at the wall, from which it bounces dully off, falling to the floor.
I lever myself out of bed, any semblance of rest now gone from my countenance. I snatch at clothes and am quickly dressed in sweatpants and a loose vest. I pull on running shoes and leave the apartment without looking once at that execrable thing.
I run, as hard as I can, pushing myself much further than I normally would. People I normally have a word or two with when I encounter them on my morning jog flash by as my legs pound away beneath me. I recognise the fact that I'm running away, but I care not to change it; I just want to be as far away from that... thing as I can.
It doesn't last though. I know I have to go back sooner or later, that it'll still be there however long I wait. It's still sitting there, just waiting for me to return. I check my watch and realise I've been gone for over an hour already. I pretty much have no choice left, I have to go back.
At first, I steadfastly ignore it. I shower languorously and change my clothes, but I can only stall for so long. Eventually I give up and stalk over to the offending item; I'm hesitant in picking it up, but I steel myself and snatch at it. The weight is light in my hand as I gingerly run my thumb over its carved fascia, the raised surface so familiar to the touch.
It calls to me, begging for me to open it but dread gnaws away at the pit of my stomach. What point is there in opening it? I already know what resides within, that treacherous, duplicitous whore. A part of me thinks it is harsh to believe that of her, but it's a lot easier for me to hate her rather than just ignoring her. Inevitability nags at me though and my fingers scramble to open the locket, popping out of my grasp as I do so.
I stare at it where it lays open at my feet, the graven image not that which I had expected. The face within is not that of Shiori. I practically want to laugh and scream with joy, but still, this face... where do I know it from? And my mind hearkens back to the already hazy memory of that dream, the wide open blue eyes staring in shock as they grow smaller and smaller in distance, a bloom of pink quickly all I can see as she's swallowed up by the vast whiteness.
I'm both relieved and worried at once; whilst I am most definitely glad that it wasn't that insufferable fool within the locket, both its presence and that of the photo of the dream girl is most puzzling. A growing sense of unease pales me with its dark umbra; did someone sneak into my apartment and place the locket around my neck, or... no, it's ridiculous to even consider any other explanations. Logic dictates that it most likely must have been the pink-haired girl who did this, but such a person escapes my recollection. A person like that would stand out, but I know of no-one like that. It is curious though, as I stoop to pick the locket back up, looking upon her face, I am drawn to it. There is a sort of open innocence in her features, reminding me of her look of honest shock at being dropped in the dream.
I shake my head at the foolishness of it all. Maybe I should talk to Miki about this; if she attends Ohtori, surely he'll recognise her. He does seem to know the most amazing things about this place. The more I look at it, the more familiar she seems, but I can't seem to put a name to the face. It's as if there's a gap in my memories from which she has been forcefully ripped. I should know her, I'm sure of that, but still my mind does not comply, however much I silently curse it. I can't help but feel somehow violated.
There is nothing else I can do for now though; I stoop downwards and take the pendant back into my grasp. Taking one last look at the image held within, I push the lid closed and slip it into my breast pocket. Anywhere but around my neck.
Checking my appearance one last time in the mirror, I pick up my satchel and leave the apartment. I offer nods of the head and tight smiles to those who greet me as we all make our way towards the hallowed halls of Ohtori Academy, but today a dark foreboding hangs over me in the shape of this mystery. I scan the crowd for either face I am seeking, but I have no such luck. Taking a detour from my usual morning route, I make my way towards the music room. Inside, sat before the grand piano is Kaoru Miki, the young man who may well be able to assist me.
"Oh, Juri-san, it's unusual to see you here," he says as he notices my presence, turning to face me, stopwatch mysteriously materializing within his hand.
"Yes, it is. I wish to pick your brains over a small matter."
"And that would be?"
"Someone snuck into my apartment last night and contrived to place a locket around my neck."
- Click -
"Curious. Certainly, you do seem to possess an inordinately large number of fans within the school's populous, but for someone to be so bold as to take such an action is most definitely odd. May I see it?"
My fingers delve into my breast pocket but find nothing there. I check my other pockets, in the chance my memory has grown even faultier, but none seem to contain the locket. Of course, I know exactly where it is the whole time, but I must hope. I know it was into my breast pocket I placed it, I am certain of that fact.
Pulling open my collar and undoing the top two buttons, I reach inside my jacket and lift the locket up and out, gripping it tightly within my fist. Letting out the breath I realise I have been holding, I let it fall to my chest before pulling the chain over my head, trying to disturb my curls as little as possible. For such a small inanimate object, I feel such an inordinately large abhorrence towards it.
- Click -
Miki watches all of this with a bemused expression upon his face, though he takes the locket from my hand quickly enough. "Have I not seen this before?"
"It is... similar to one I used to possess, though I was not in the habit of showing it off to all and sundry. Whoever the culprit is, it seems likely that they have been watching me for quite a while to know of it. I... lost it sometime last year."
"You say you lost it; is it not possible that this is in fact the exact same locket? It stands to reason that said 'culprit' could have stolen or found it around that time."
"There is only one difference I can discern, and that is the picture that is help within. It is not the same person as who it was, nor is it someone that I recognise."
- Click -
"Ah, and we draw to the crux of the matter. This is why you have sought me out, no? Well, let's take a look." Deftly opening it with his slender fingers, Miki looks within the locket. Surprise colours his features and he quickly looks back up at me. "Is this some kind of joke, Juri-san?"
"What do you mean?"
"There is no picture in here," he replies, dangling the open locket from his spare hand.
"What are you saying? If there is a joke being played here, I am the one it is at the expense of. I can see the image as clear as day, Miki. A girl with long pink hair and bright blue eyes, smiling into the camera!"
"I tell you Juri, there is no picture in this locket."
Anger flares deep within me. "Clearly you are in on whatever game is being played with me. Well I will have none of it!" I snatch the locket from his grasp and whirl around, stalking from the room.
- Click -
I struggle to contain my fury throughout my morning lessons, the rage festering away inside of me. And to think I actually trusted him. Once again I am shown how base and cruel humanity really is, knowing I myself am far from exempt of that description. Am I not the most base of all creatures? Lusting after those I can never have: first a manipulative witch and now a ghost allegedly of my own devising. There, I admit it. Those blue eyes captivate and draw me in; I cannot help but feel the urge to possess them, to make them watch me and me alone. I would be for her eyes only, and she for mine.
This is pathetic, I realise. Have I become so ruled by my desires that even a mere picture fires my libido so? I am glad of this lunch break as I make my way into the ladies locker room for the fencing club. At least now I can work off some of this frustration. Opening my locker, I remove my jacket, only to find that infernal pendant around my neck once more. I tear it from my body and hurl it into the locker. Quickly I change into the Kevlar-enforced protective clothing and take my Épée in hand before slamming the door closed. I am sure that I had placed it within one of my pockets.
As I stand poised, my leading foot behind the en-garde line, my blade in the sixte line, I am still seething. All of this is just utterly ridiculous.
Attack. Beat Parry. Extension
"Next!" I roar, not even bothering to remove my helmet as is customary.
Attack. Tierce. Riposte.
"Next!"
Attack. Extension/Disengage. Arret a Bon Temps.
"Next!"
Attack. Attack. Attack.
"NEXT!"
This is not helping in the slightest. In fact, it's only making it worse. There is no challenge for me here. Apparently Miki has not seen fit to show himself, probably a wise idea, and with no Tsuchiya-san either, I have no opponent with skill even close to approaching mine. As I finish off my next opponent with a Neuvieme leading into an Indirect Riposte, I stalk to the side of the hall, practically tearing the helmet from my head. I lean back against the wall, letting out an exasperated breath as I close my eyes. Her face unconsciously comes to mind and I swallow down a curse.
I make to leave, but something makes me turn around and look up to the balcony where several students have congregated to watch the fencing, or rather, if it is not too presumptuous of me to say, they come to watch me. As I scan the faces, I muse that no real challenge could come from any of them.
And then I see her, leaning against the top rail of the balcony, chin resting upon crossed arms as she stares down at me. Seeing that I have noticed her as well, she lifts her head and smiles. Instinctively, my hand presses between my breasts, and I can feel the shape of the locket beneath the Kevlar reinforcement. She gives me a small nod of her head before turning and walking away.
Ignoring everyone else, I stalk into the locker room and quickly change back to my school uniform, cursing at how long it takes me. I want to find her. I need to find her. Storming out into a school corridor, I find it eerily deserted. Movement in the corner of my eye causes me to spin around and I see a pink mass of hair disappear around a corner. Quickly striding to catch up, I round the corner only to witness the pink hair float out of sight once more. Again and again this repeats, no matter how long or short the corridor, how close or far behind I am, nor how fast or slow I walk.
Finally, as I round yet another corner, I see no sign of the girl at all.
"I wonder, I wonder... do you know what I wonder?"
"Our prince has lost their way!"
"But surely a prince can never fail to find what they seek? They wouldn't be a prince, otherwise."
"Only if they come to realise that they were a prince the whole time!"
"And of course, it is a prince's job to scale the tower and rescue the princess."
"I wonder, I wonder... do you know what I wonder?"
Frustrated, I tread the empty corridors, a pallor seeming to hang over me until sunlight suddenly bursts outwards. I squint my eyes closed, a hand raised to shield them from the brightness. The greenhouse comes into focus, no more than a hundred meters away from where I stand. I see pink inside, and for a moment I think it is her, but I realise it must be just one of the flowers within. Movement inside though, contradicts my belief and in no time at all I am at the door, looking in.
She holds a small watering can in one hand, bending at the waist as she tilts it to quench a plant's thirst. Quietly I open the door and slip inside, closing it behind me just as silently. She turns and puts the watering can down on a circular table before looking up at me. She doesn't seem surprised to see me at all as she smiles warmly.
At that instant I know. I just have to.
Two quick steps take me before her, and I wrap an arm around her waist, pulling her into me, as I caress her face with my free hand. "You are to be my rose," I whisper, before taking her lips with my own. At first she is stiff against me, but quickly she softens into my embrace, her arms snaking around my neck. Hesitantly her tongue pokes at mine, before they quickly become entwined. I mash her body against mine as she moans into my mouth. I can feel my pulse quickening as hunger burns throughout me. I need her, I have to have her, to make her mine, absolutely and completely. My fingers free her shirt from the short skirt she wears, quickly dipping underneath to stroke across skin. Her fingers tangle in my hair as she presses further still against me, our movements becoming more and more violent, and... and... what am I doing? Have I lost so much control over my actions?
She senses my stillness and as I look upon this face I know I should be able to recall, her eyelids flutter open. I can see the desire deep within her eyes, mixed with growing uncertainty.
I was about to make love to her, and yet, I do not even know her name.
And so it rises unbidden to my lips. "Utena."
"Yes, Juri-sama," she whispers, sibilantly. She moves to kiss me again, but I shy away, my head craning backwards, much like a startled tortoise.
"This is all wrong, so wrong," I mutter, more for my sake than passing any real comment, but still she responds.
"Yes, it is, isn't it? Everything's gone all wrong."
Initially, this chapter included the Prologue and ended with Juri opening the locket, but I decided to rejig things quite a bit, seperating out the dream and massively extending this chapter.
I had a lot of fun writing this though, being able to use language I haven't been able to in Tea Cosy or my other fics. I'm not particularly eloquent in person, but it's fun to express yourself in overly florid prose every now and then. ^^
I'm not completely happy at my attempt to portray one of the many A-ko and B-ko conversations the first series of Shoujo Kakumei Utena was littered with, though I made a conscious decision to not try and describe the shadow motions, leaving that up to the reader to guess at for themselves.
